A review of Your Perfect Right: A Guide to Assertive Living, 6th Revised Ed.
by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons
Review by our Team Member – Devin!
What is the book about?
This book is all about how to become more assertive. The authors view assertiveness as a trainable skill, and the book comes out of an assertive training programo they developed and popularized. The authors offer this working definition for clarity:
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“Assertive behaviour promotes equality in human relationships, enabling us to act in our own best interests, to stand up for ourselves without undue anxiety, to express honest feelings comfortably, to exercise personal rights without denying the rights of others ”
who is it for?
The book is for anyone who wants to learn how to (or get better at) being assertive – which is a key part of self-love and setting boundaries in your life (we are pretty big fans!!!)
The authors are quick to clarify that being assertive is not the same thing as being aggressive. This is an important distinction, especially for many women who have been systematically taught through messages, both covert and overt, to make themselves smaller, and sacrifice all boundaries in the service of others. When women act assertively, it is often seeing as being “bitchy” or “bossy” – which is just not true.
When you improve your skills in being assertive, it can help you feel more clear in your own needs and improve how you show up in relationships (including your relationship with your body!)
why did i like it?
The authors really clearly explained the distinction between assertiveness and aggressiveness. Throughout the book they made sure to include case examples with non-assertive, aggressive, and assertive responses to various real, practical situations. From the workplace to personal relationships, from civic engagement to improving one’s sex life, the authors made sure to include a breadth of applications for assertive behaviour.
I was also impressed that this was a 6th edition that had been revised to address both popular misconceptions and changes in public discourse around assertiveness, and also to reflect updated research and trends in psychology. This was a clear sign to me that the authors were both dedicated to their work and believed it worth the effort to keep current—I found this both admirable and reassuring.
how can this benefit you?
This book can improve your communication and self-expression, with lessons and strategies to enable you to express yourself openly, honestly, and in a style customized to fit your strengths and skillsets.
Self-expression is so important when it comes to body image, wellness, and your self-love journey. It can give you clarity on your priorities, what works for you and your body, and to set boundaries around your needs.
So much of the messaging we consume, encourages women to be selfless and put others first—to the point that neglecting your own needs is almost celebrated. This makes it extremely difficult to maintain boundaries with direct and confident communication. Developing assertiveness is often uncomfortable to begin with, and it is an ongoing process—but it is well-worth it! Increasing your assertiveness has been shown to increase your self-esteem and confidence—it also shows others that you respect yourself, and in turn they will learn to respect you and your time.
Building your confidence, learning how to be assertive and connect with your needs is something that we teach here in our Loyobo Community through our group coaching calls and our Your Body program. So, if this is something you want to work on in your own life, make sure to send us a message to find out more about how we can support your journey!
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“There is a much greater opportunity for enjoyment in a relationship when each partner openly expresses just what it is that he or she enjoys! Assertiveness strengthens one’s purpose in a relationship, avoiding the self-defeating style of ‘going along quietly’ or aggressively pushing the partner around. And, of course, if I know you’ll be honest with me, and can say no if you don’t like the idea or action, I’m freer to be myself in the relationship, and can trust you more fully.”
What was my biggest takeaway?
Assertiveness is a skill like any other, that can and should be honed. Working on developing an assertive mindset and practicing assertive behaviour simultaneously is the best way to see results. Improving one’s skills in assertiveness will benefit one’s relationships, quality of life, and overall level of satisfaction by improving self-expression in a way that is both authentic and honours boundaries more fully and completely.
Take the next Step!
Assertiveness is a skill that is best developed in a community of like-minded people on the same journey who will support and encourage you. You can learn how to do just that in our Loyobo community! Our Loyobo community will encourage you to maintain boundaries and build your confidence through regular group coaching calls on mindset and accountability, the culture of our classes, and the support of our team and our members. Find out more by booking an Explore Call now!